Of Trust
Monday, June 26, 2006 at 11:46PM I'm the beneficiary of a number of friendships, relationships, and acquaintances. I maintain a balance with all these people. This isn't something we track per se, but it's something that is karmically totaled. At times I am greatly in their debt. Other times they owe me. Most often things are even enough for it to not matter.
The reason this arrangement is successful is simple: Trust.
Mike occasionally grabs me a Sun-Drop in the mornings on the way to work because he knows I'd like to have one. This costs him $1.19 + tax, but he knows that the next time we go to the gas station for a snack during the day I'll cop him a beef jerky or something. Or maybe I'll grab some beer on the way to his house. The method of repayment is irrelevant, the point is that Mike gives not a shit about our little tab. He knows I'll pay him back.
That is an insignificant example. What's $5? Some of the relationships we take for granted work this way, but are exponentially more important. When you go out with your friends on the weekend you might get hammered. They may draw a 'stache on your face with a permanent marker or stick a firecracker in your ass crack. But they keep an eye on you. They stop you from driving, have your back when you call some guy an asshole and a host of other important functions. This is not to be taken lightly. You effectively trust these people with your life. These contracts come in all shapes and sizes. You have them with your friends, spouses, and even children.
Things like these are gifts. You are involved in many of these every day and your performance in them says more about you than words ever could. They are the litmus tests that define you.
The sad part is that the real loser -- in a case where you violate the agreement -- is you. You carry the brand when you fail them and they carry the knowledge that you broke. I'm obviously not on about a lunch tab between friends here, but something that is more powerful and important. People say 'word is bond', shake hands, and say vows for a reason. If your word isn't good, what about you is?
Reader Comments (4)
This is one of the reasons I like you.
I was about to write a post on my blog saying that this is not always true. I was thinking that the person who violated the agreement had to take ownership of their mistake in order to be the loser.
I am not going to make that post though because I cannot use what I am able to see of someone else to judge what is really going on inside that person. I don't know if everyone is introspective but I think I need to assume they are.
I am envious of your clarity on this matter.
I would agree that, optimally, the individual would need to accept blame in their own mind for this to REALLY work. If that happened more often then I wouldn't have to write stuff like this. ;)
The counterpoint to my post is more likely that the people on different ends of such a problem have vastly different perspectives. Sometimes the 'victim' just had more invested in the agreement than the 'aggressor'. Maybe the person who violated the agreement has paid an emotional price that keeps them in the black, so to speak.
While the details are gray, I think the final point is true: Your word has to be trusted. If someone loses faith in your word, as has happened my situation that sparked this post, you have effectively lost the ability to trust anything about that person. Everyone has a different tolerance, and as such it's a matter of opinion when you choose to move someone into 'junk' status. ;)
That's why we cool like that homie.....and by the way.... I believe I owe you a whole lot more than you owe me(which by the way is nothing)...Peace